


thorns make you bleed

by ailiyasneski



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, I love this ship too much for my own good, M/M, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform, a hint of fluff if you squint, castiel - Freeform, fallen anegl!cas, it’s too early to be writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 09:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20133073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ailiyasneski/pseuds/ailiyasneski
Summary: “i don’t think you quite grasp this sit- this situation,” Castiel stuttered over himself, not caring how much of a fool he sounded. “do you understand how insufferable my pain is?”





	thorns make you bleed

when Castiel fell, he knew only pain. 

it was the kind of pain that made a human want to scream out in angony, beg for the realease of death, all while staying still, paralyzed by the idea of more suffering. Castiel knew this pain for what felt like eons. 

so when he finally recovered in the dusty Kansas bunker with the Winchester boys by his side, he should’ve known the pain was no way close to ending. 

he could’ve bared with his wings. crisp and burnt, unable to transport him anywhere on a whim. he could’ve dealt with that- he’d lost apart of him, but at least he couldn’t feel them anymore. but the small, shining golden ringed halo that once sat proudly utop his head had turned into a cracked, black oozing mess, littered with thorns and small burning coals that plastered into his head, stabbing and burning his scalp. every little movement- turning to hear Sam, looking down to read, tossing his head back while Dean whispered into his skin- every movement became plagued with almost insufferable pain. each movement a solid reminder of his recklessness, his disobedience. 

sometimes it became so painful, Castiel would spend days laying in his bed, muttering soft prayers to Heaven to let him back, he’ll be good this time, he won’t question a thing, he’ll be the solider they needs. but his prayers were met with deafing silence that could make any man drive himself insane. on the days he could get up and walk around, he often turned to the Winchester Remedy of alcohol poisoning. while it did take quiet a bit to get him intoxicated (he wasn’t completely human, after all), two or theee bottles of liquor usually did the trick. 

so, on one particularly painful day, Castiel took it upon himself to try and end it the good old fashioned Winchester way- slow and numbing.

“Cass?” Dean has called from the door, and Castiel didn’t realize he’d be coming home so soon. he could’ve sobered up better. 

“Dean?” he slurred in return, too weak to try and cover up his state. 

“Where are you?” the hunter called presumably from the main room, to which Cass didn’t reply. he could feel the alcohol pulsing through his veins, into his heart- he could feel his host’s organs slowly starting to fail. he felt bad for Jimmy- he shouldn’t go out like this. “Castiel?” Dean’s voice was closer now, and Cass knew he should try not to die. but there wasn’t a point in living, so why try? 

when Dean found him slumped on the floor, his upper body barley supported by his small bedframe, he jumped into action. crouching in front of his angel, he took Castiel’s head into his hands, forcing him to look at him. 

“what’s going on?” he asked, and wether he heard Castiel whimper at the touch or not didn’t seem to matter. 

“taking myself for a ride,” Castiel slurred, and he wasn’t even sure if that made sense. clearly, did didn’t. 

“what do you mean? ‘taking myself for a ride’? you’re drunk, Cass,” 

“no,” Cass corrected. “i’m practically dying. any minute about 2 or 3 of Jimmy’s organs will fail, and my true form with have nowhere to go,” 

Dean’s eyes widened in fear. he used his older brother voice, which scared Castiel. “damnit, Cass, reverse that right now!”

“why should i?” Cass challenged, sitting himself up more dispute the shock of pain. “discorperation would be better than feeling this, this pain fucking 24/7!”

“who gives a damn about emotional baggage? we all have it, stop being a baby!” he knew Dean didn’t like saying those types of truth, but he was a simple man who said things that needed to be said. Cass has a love/hate relationship with that part of his lover. he shoved Dean away. 

“i don’t think you quite grasp this sit- this situation,” Castiel stuttered over himself, not caring how much of a fool he sounded. “do you understand how insufferable my pain is?”

“i’m sure i have a fair idea,” Dean scoffed. 

“you don’t.” Cass deadpanned, absentmindedly clutching his stomach (which was rapidly starting to fail). “my halo- the thing that showed my power, my grace, my rank- it’s ruined. it’s oozed puss and stabbed my scalp with thorns until my hair is matted with blood and burned off because the coals that float around my halo like hellpits.” 

the calmness in Castiel’s voice shook Dean. “Cass-“ 

“Don’t ‘Cass’ me, Winchester. you don’t know the first thing about pain!” The windows shattered at the screams of the broken angel. 

Dean was silent for a moment, listening to the labored breathing of his angel. “listen here and you listen good,” the stern voice seemed to ground Cass. “no one cares how much pain you’re in, everyone’s got baggage. right now, all you gotta do is pick yourself up and fix that body of yours, because damn you if you think i won’t find you another. pick yourself up and sleep on things. wake up and keep going. because that pain ain’t goin’ away, but you’ll learn to deal with it,” 

“how do you know that?” 

“because you’re my angel, and i believe in my angel.” 

~~

Castiel’s scalp still bleeds and his hair still smokes, but the pain doesn’t seem to bother him anymore.


End file.
